


TSES: Slow Roast

by thatsoccercoach



Series: TSES [5]
Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Daily Struggles, F/M, Family, Mostly Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:54:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23634910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatsoccercoach/pseuds/thatsoccercoach
Summary: What makes the life you live *enough*? Jamie and Claire have everything they need, but life has a way of making you think of all the possible "what ifs?" there could be.
Relationships: Claire Beauchamp/Jamie Fraser
Series: TSES [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1113882
Comments: 32
Kudos: 104





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This story picks up a couple months where TSES: The Extra Shot left off. You may want to go back and read the first two arcs if you're not familiar with the story!
> 
> In this chapter Claire deals with some things at work that she's not enjoying lately.

“Remind me again how we got put on this committee,” Claire demanded shortly as she stalked down the hallway of Anderson Pemberton Elementary. Her flats, comfortable at the start of the day, were rubbing a raw spot on one heel as she continued her walk, attempting _not_ to overcompensate for the pain.

She was flanked on either side by Mary and Joe as if they were in fighting formation, about to head into battle. The description was likely not far from the truth in all reasonableness. They were in charge of the district’s “task force on technology safety coordination and implementation,” a hideously long mouthful of a description for a newly formed group whose only assigned job was to brainstorm ideas. There _was_ no actual implementation being done. Their role was to come up with ideas they could share with families and the community regarding keeping kids safe while using technology. 

Their mission was as vague and lacking in direction as was their own motivation to participate.

“Honestly?” Joe shrugged, smirking. “It’s mainly just that we were the only teachers present in that meeting last month. The rest of the folks there were all administrative.”

“That makes no sense,” whispered a puzzled Mary who, for the most part, lived and taught in a realm where everything had a reason and all people had everyone else’s best interests at heart.

“What the district does never makes any sense to those of us who actually have to deal with their decisions,” Claire groused impatiently in return. “Oh, _god!_ All I want to do is go home and be with my family but instead I’m about to go into a meeting and it’s already more than an hour after my contract says I’m allowed to leave.”

“Will Jamie pick up the boys?”

Claire turned to look at Joe, taming her scowl into something more approachable. It wouldn’t do to bite off an ally’s head.

“Yes,” she sighed. “Thankfully he already planned to get them today. What about your kids?”

“Walked home already,” he said. “I got a text from Gail telling me they made it fine.”

Mary continued to walk beside them, taking the information in. No doubt she was pondering the relative ease of having only one child in a daycare that was open until later in the evening versus multiple children on varying schedules and locations.

“I bet it makes you glad you’re only dealing with the one, eh?” Joe joked to Mary.

“Actually, I,” Mary stammered as she sometimes did when she was flustered. “We’re, well, I’m pregnant again,” she blurted. “We’ll need to figure out all of that for ourselves soon enough I suppose.” She shrugged as if having babies was a normal occurrence.

 _It_ is _a normal occurrence,_ Claire grumbled internally. _If you aren’t me and Jamie._

“No kidding!” laughed Joe gleefully. “Congrats!”

“Thank you,” blushed Mary.

“And with Denys only five months old,” breathed Joe. “You and Alex are really gonna have your hands full, aren’t they, Claire?”

“Right,” she plastered a tight smile onto her face. She was happy for her friend. “Congratulations, Mary. That’s exciting, truly.” She reached out an arm to throw over Mary’s thin shoulders and pulled her closer in a side hug.

It was just _great._ She wrestled into submission the sting of disappointment even as the burn of cramps in her lower belly reminded her again that this month wouldn’t be the time she and her husband celebrated a baby.

They were only a couple months into this new year. Only a couple months since their decision to try for a baby, but she couldn’t help but grieve a little bit each time it didn’t happen. She hadn’t realized that she already had expectations that she’d get pregnant so soon. When they’d decided to try, she’d assumed that she would just be anticipating the joy of having a baby, not beating herself up every time they _weren’t_ having one.

It was ridiculous because it honestly shouldn’t matter, but it mattered _so_ much that she felt a burn at the back of her throat begin as she forced away any tears that threatened. Now was not the time. She directed her focus back to the upcoming meeting.

“Did anyone give either of you a feel for how long this meeting should last?” 

Mary shrugged but Joe let out a chuckle before answering. “I feel like, since we’re in charge of this whole circus, we should get to make the call.”

Both women shot skeptical glances at him and he backtracked.

“Hey, I’m not saying that’s how things work, I’m just saying that it _should_. Right?”

That was not _how_ it worked.

* * *

“What a day,” she exhaled, flopping into their bed where Jamie lay already. He’d been sprawled on top of the down comforter when she entered, radiating heat like a furnace in spite of the fact that it was mid-winter and he was wearing only boxers and a t-shirt. When she’d walked into their room, he’d set aside the book he was reading and tucked himself under the covers to wait for her.

She pulled herself back into a sitting position and flicked off her slippers with the toes of the opposite foot then whipped open the covers to get in.

“Long day then?” her husband asked in his low, soothing voice.

“Mmmhmm,” came her reply as she scooted so that her back was to his front and she was spooned against him. She sighed as she felt his arm drape over her and she began to relax.

“Work was normal. It’s always demanding because it matters _so_ much to my kids. But the meetings afterwards are going to kill me.”

“I hope no’” he chortled.

“You _know_ what I mean.” The mumbled answer came from partially inside the fluff of her pillow. “I love teaching. I don’t love bureaucracy. I don’t love politics. I only want to help but in order to do that I have to wade through all the rest.” She paused. “And I’m really tired of doing that.”

There was a long pause, not uncomfortable but not entirely peaceful either. A theme had been emerging in their recent conversations about her work. After several years of working as an OT for the district, her job was not what she’d thought it would be. While that was predictable -Because who could really anticipate what a job would be like before they became fully invested? -she found it disheartening to revise her perspective and thoughts on the whole situation. Was it her or was it the work?

“Is there maybe another way you could do what you love and avoid the rest?”

“Mmm,” she hummed, thinking. “Can you rub my back while we talk? Please?”

She felt their mattress jiggle as he chuckled, shifting into a position to make that possible.

“Any sore spots or are you just tense?” his hands roamed her shoulders looking for knots.

“Lower,” she muttered. “I’ve got cramps and a back ache.”

He didn’t say anything but continued to knead gently.

“I suppose I could just, uh, _teach?_ I wouldn’t have so many of these meetings then.”

“But ye wouldna be helping the same group of students,” he replied knowingly.

“Right.” She slowly exhaled. “I think I want to be doing something else,” she whispered.

“Claire?” Her husband spoke gently to her in the dark. “Do you want to think of taking some time away? A year to reevaluate or work on something different?”

“To ‘work on’ starting a family?” she stiffened, though she knew he didn’t mean it that way at all. Of everyone in her life, Jamie _always_ and _absolutely_ thought of her before himself. If he was offering her a break from what she’d been doing, it was only that. And it was out of love alone.

“Claire,” he said once more, this time soothingly. “I will tell ye now and I’ll say it every day for as long as I need. You are enough. More than enough. Rob and Fergus are enough. Ye’re all I need.”

She willed herself to relax again, hoping that he understood her internal conflict, _knowing_ that he did.

“No,” she replied softly. “I still haven’t figured it out but I don’t want a year off.” 

If she took a year away from her job and didn’t succeed in other areas, she knew she’d blame herself. She knew she’d feel like a failure.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet: True love!

“Wait,” the word, puzzled-sounding and sharp, came from Robbie whose eyes were wide under a quirked eyebrow. “They’re  _ engaged?  _ Like,  _ already? _ ”

“Yeah!” whooped Fergus with unbridled glee. “I think that’s so exciting! It’s like when you and mom found each other and everyone got all happy all the time!” the younger boy explained to Jamie who sat at the kitchen table with Claire, across from the boys and Charlie as well.

“Already, yes,” affirmed Jamie. “But they know what they’re about.”

It really hadn’t been all that long since Murtagh and Suzette had begun spending more and more time with one another. At first Claire and Jamie both had been a tiny bit surprised but that had quickly faded when they saw how Jamie’s godfather grounded the flighty Suzette and how she in turn brought a smile to his often-sullen face.

Concerns that she had faced when getting to know Jamie didn’t really apply to Murtagh and Suzette, at least not in the same way. No children to wonder about when considering how the two would fit together. No huge past traumas that would influence them. They were simply both alone until they had found love and now they wanted to experience it to the fullest, as soon as possible.

“I think it’s the  _ sweetest _ ,” Charlie chimed in. “I mean, they’re actually pretty old when you think about it. Who would have thought they’d ever find  _ true love? _ ” A dreamy look crossed her face as she smiled cheerily.

Claire attempted to arrange her own smile into something more sincere looking when she nearly choked over the statement that Murtagh, age 49 and Suzette, recently turned 40, were “pretty old” according to the kids.

“Weel,” continued Jamie. “They were excited and wanted all of us to know about it. That’s why we’re telling you, so that you can be a part of that excitement too.”

“Oh, I’m excited!” Fergus interjected again, jumping up from his seat to round the table to stand between the adults and throw an arm over each of them. “Can I be in their wedding? Please? People  _ love  _ it when I dress up. They think I’m charming!” he stated, completely shamelessly and totally unaware of how he sounded.

Robbie lowered his face into his hands in embarrassment.

Jamie gently pulled Fergus onto his lap, looking into the child’s face. “Fergus, yer charm comes from who you are, no’ what you wear. But you’ll find, as you grow, that people will think you more charming if you don’t mention it yourself, if yer modest.”

“Like, if I don’t say it, but if I show it?” the curly-haired boy asked. “Like my mom always tells me to show people what I mean, not just to  _ say  _ that I mean something? Like that, huh?”

“Like that,” Jamie nodded, meeting his wife’s eyes over Fergus’ head.

Moments like this -Jamie stepping in as the boy’s father and Claire holding back though she’d been “in charge” for nearly Fergus’ whole life- those moments were precious and they had worked hard to get to this point. Claire’s independence and self-reliance when it came to raising her son,  _ their  _ son, had been a hurdle at some points. She was so determined and tenacious, so defensive even, that she and Jamie had walked a tightrope for some time, figuring out how to not just be married to one another, but how to parent together as a team.

It was a never ending process, but one that they’d been deliberate about working on for the sake of their family.

And now that family was adding a member. Suzette was going to be a grand addition.

* * *

Claire walked into the staff lounge the next day to somewhat of an uproar.

“And then what happened?” came a voice from the long-term sub in 4th grade.

“I said ‘yes!’” squealed Suzette.

Another smile crossed Claire’s face. She’d been smiling quite a bit, to be honest, since finding out Murtagh was going to ask Suzette to marry him and even more since the woman before her had said “yes” to Jamie’s godfather.

The whole lovely sequence of events brought back so many memories of when she’d met Jamie and fallen in love with him. Back then she’d expected to be on her own for much longer, possibly forever. She hadn’t expected anybody to want the package deal that was her and her son. And things had been fine that way.

But when she’d met Jamie, hope had sparked and something in her had been lit ablaze. As soon as they’d figured out what hurdles lay in the way, they’d plowed ahead together. Love for him had quickly pushed aside any thoughts or assumptions she’d had about the path her life would take. 

At an empty seat she set down the glass Pyrex dish with leftovers and made her way over to Suzette to give her a hug.

“I’m so happy for you,” she whispered to her friend, embracing her tightly. “And,” she continued, pulling away to look at her, “You can tell me all about it at family dinner tomorrow night.”

Every Tuesday Murtagh coached the chess team at Fergus’ school while both Fraser boys played, with varying degrees of success. Fergus came to chess club straight from his classroom and Rob from the middle school down the street with a few other students. After chess club concluded for the day, Murtagh brought both boys home to Jamie or Claire, eliminating the need for them to make one of the many trips to the boys’ schools. The entire family then had dinner together, Suzette often joining in.

“Oui,” confirmed Claire’s excited friend. “I’ll be there! And I’ll be ready to share the whole story again! I don’t think I’ll ever tire of the telling.”

“I’ve not moved on past sharing how Jamie and I ended up together!” Claire laughed. “It’s a good thing, right? That the story, those moments, are so special to us that we keep sharing over and over and it only becomes more precious?”

“I think you’re right. And I’ve heard your Jamie tell the tale as well,” continued Suzette. “Your love becomes more, deeper, over time.”

Claire blushed and returned to eat her meal, thinking of her husband.

Love changed over time, it was certain. But theirs had become more precious, without doubt.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fraser family catches up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and feedback! I have been in a really weird place lately, wanting to share my fics but not wanting to get caught up in the fandom, in the view count, or just plain getting "stuck" on my laptop mindlessly spending time doing nothing productive. It's really strange place, but all that to say, I have read every comment and I smile when I get them. I'm not spending time here so I haven't been responding to anyone and I'm sorry about that! But I love hearing from you all!

“The house smells like elephant fart!” yelled Fergus, scrunching up his face as he came in the door after chess club. “Why does it smell like elephant fart?’

Rob rolled his eyes. “You’re disgusting.”

“I know you are, but what am I?” Fergus shot back, dodging out of Rob’s reach and running for the kitchen where he knew his parents would be.

“We have cabbage with dinner,” Claire explained as Fergus skidded to a stop in his slightly too big socks followed by Robbie who immediately ceased the chase. “Though I wouldn’t have used the same words to describe the smell, it  _ is  _ fairly distinct. We’ll have corned beef, the cabbage, potatoes, carrots, soda bread, and whatever Suzette brings for dessert for us all to enjoy.”

“It sounds good,” Rob said. “How much time before dinner? Do I have time to work on something?”

“Ten minutes or so until dinner, so if the ‘something’ is quick, yes,” replied Claire, peeking into the oven and releasing a puff of hot air and steam that hit the small curls framing her face and making them spring tighter.

“I bet he’s going to call Charlie!” crowed Fergus. “About homework,” he amended immediately when he saw the scowl on Rob’s face. 

“Can I?” mumbled Rob to Claire. “Call Charlie about homework, I mean? And can I take the phone upstairs?”

One change Claire had made in their house after she and Jamie had gotten married was regulating screens and phones. Though Robbie still had a tv in his bedroom (a continual point of contention) phone calls were made with the consent of, or in the presence of an adult. Computer and tablet use had the same rules. 

Rob and Charlie had always been refreshingly honest with their phone calls and chats though Claire and Jamie were very aware that the two kids were approaching adolescence at high speed and changes in their dynamics of their friendship were a distinct possibility.

“You can call her from upstairs. I’ll let you know when dinner is ready and you’ll have to put things on hold though, regardless of whether or not your finished with your chat though, ok?”

“I know,” Rob’s tone of voice betrayed a touch of exasperation but he smiled at Claire and added, “Family first” before grabbing the cordless phone and running upstairs.

“Hello, Murtagh. Thank you for bringing the boys home for us,” Claire said brightly, shutting the oven and removing the oven mitts on her hands in order to give the man a hug in greeting. “Did the afternoon go well?”

“It’s no’ a problem bringing the lads home after coaching them. It reminds me of spending time wi’ Jamie when he was just a lad.” A smile cracked his weathered face as he recalled times past. “The chess teams are doing well. The advanced team has made real progress lately and the beginners are startin’ to understand the game on a deeper level.” He nodded as if thinking to himself about the session he’d just finished coaching.

Crossing the kitchen he turned on the sink and started to wash his hands. “Those boys are growing up fast.” He jerked his head in a vague direction toward Rob and Fergus’ locations.

“They are,” she agreed. “At times things are moving faster than I wish. I miss the days of having a little one.”

“Mmph,” Murtagh grunted in response. “There’s  _ some  _ things I think ye willna miss much once the phase has passed.” He shot a pointed glare in the direction of Fergus who was at the kitchen table engrossed in a book.

“Fergus?” she dragged the word out, glowering at him as he slowly lowered his book.

“Oh yeah,” he met her gaze sheepishly. “I forgot to tell you...Ifailedmymathtest.”

Jamie, just getting home from work, walked into the kitchen at that moment and scrunched up his brow. In three steps of his long legs he was at his wife’s side for a kiss, all the while watching Fergus at the edge of his vision.

“Mm, I missed you while I was at work today,” he mumbled against her lips.

Fergus flopped his face down onto the table atop his crossed arms and mumbled something into them, presumably complaining about the show of affection.

“I wouldn’t gripe about  _ anything  _ at the moment if I were you, lad,” Jamie warned gently but firmly, clearly having overheard about the math test.

Fergus had repeatedly shown himself very capable of doing well in school but he was also highly distractible. He had a tendency to throw himself into things wholeheartedly, which was generally great. But he also threw himself wholeheartedly into things that weren’t his business or things that were total distractions.

Claire allowed her forehead to thump against Jamie’s chest for a moment before they pulled apart and she asked to their son, “How did it happen then?” in resigned tones.

“Well see, when we were at recess Lily said to Ruby that Ruby couldn’t play with her because she’s not good at soccer. I told Ruby that I could work with her this week so that she can be good enough to play. Mom, she’s actually good, Lily is just mean and comes up with excuses not to include her. So I coached her and we ignored Lily and I did really bad on my math test.” He sat back in his chair and watched his parents expectantly, as if his explanation would suffice as an excuse.

Murtagh rolled his eyes and muttered something about “when Jamie was a lad” under his breath in exasperation.

“Why is that an excuse for failing?” Jamie demanded.

“Oh,” Fergus replied, surprised. “Because I was writing a list of practice skills for Ruby,” he explained as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Jamie’s mouth opened as if he was about to unleash a rather severe reprimand upon their son, but he snapped it back shut. His jaw tensed and he took a breath, exhaling slowly before he sat down beside Fergus. Claire kissed his temple then walked away, back to her cooking, leaving her husband to deal with Fergus.

It was one of the most difficult things she was learning, being married to Jamie. Walking away from situations where she knew Jamie had the patience and wisdom to guide their little boy was beyond hard. She had done everything for Fergus, had  _ been  _ everything. Letting him be Fergus’ father was one of the greatest gifts to all of them. Jamie adored the boy and had so much to offer him in the way of guidance and modeling. Fergus thrived on Jamie’s attention. And she was blessed by watching her men grow.

“Yer generosity and compassion are things that I hope to always see in you, Fergus.” He looked the boy in the eye. “Sometimes, in order to help those around us, we need to take care of our responsibilities first. School is yer job right now. It’s how you will grow into a man who can best use his generosity and compassion to help even  _ more _ people.”

“But what about Ruby?” Fergus’ eyebrows knit together in concern.

“Could you both have written a list together at recess or after school?” Jamie prompted.

“Yeah, I guess,” the boy shrugged and Claire covered a smile from the other side of the room, amused by Fergus’ lack of focus and enjoying Jamie’s persistence in his explanation.

“Then from here out, you’ll do yer job  _ and _ be a friend by taking care of things in the proper order. Ruby won’t be hurt by waiting for a list, so your job is to do school first then lists with her second, aye?”

“Ok, but can I read now?” Fergus begged, already moved on from the discussion.

At Jamie’s nod, he scampered for the stairs shouting “I’ll be in my room reading!”

“You’re a good dad,” Claire told him while taking hot dishes from the oven.

“Aye,” added Murtagh from the hallway as he walked to let Suzette in for dinner. “Ye are far more patient with the lad than I would ha’ been.”

“That’s true,” Jamie whispered conspiratorially to his wife. “He was  _ not  _ patient with me as a boy  _ at all. _ ”

Murtagh returned to the kitchen to Jamie and Claire setting out dishes on the table, still chuckling to themselves. Jamie called both boys down for dinner, Fergus complaining that he’d just started reading and Rob muttering that he and Charlie hadn’t hardly finished any homework at all. Complaints were shut down as Jamie held his hands out on either side and they all clasped hands to pray and enjoy the meal together.

“Claire,” Murtagh began as soon as the “Amen” of the prayer was said. “Suzette’s been telling me about the new students ye’ve been workin’ wi’ lately and all the progress wi’ those leaving yer program. How are you feelin’ about all that’s been happening? Is spring always this busy for ye?”

“Mhh,” she nodded her head and swallowed the bite of food in her mouth. “Spring has always been busy. I think it always will be for every teacher,” she laughed. “But we’ve had a lot of meetings to update IEPs and such, a lot of work to settle into new routines and make some changes to old ones in order to reach the kids I need to reach and get them to a place where they can meet their goals.”

“And she’s great at doing all of that!” exclaimed Suzette with her typical enthusiasm.

“Thank you.” A tender smile graced her face. “I love helping those kids. What I don’t care for is all the red tape, all the meetings, all the formalities. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even get to dig in and really help the kids because of all the surrounding issues that need to be dealt with.”

“That sounds frustrating,” Murtagh nodded, a serious look crossing his weathered face. ‘I am proud that ye are someone who can wade through all that to do what needs to be done though. Those kids are better off having ye for a teacher in spite of all the red tape ye have to wade through.”

“It’s not really that much to be proud of,” she replied, her internal conflict regarding her job surfacing again. “It’s part of my job.”

“Aye, but ‘tis a difficult job that yer devoted to and ye work hard at. That’s what makes me proud. ‘Tis a good thing my godson married such a strong woman.”

Fergus and Robbie were, for once, quietly listening. Claire hoped they were pondering what it meant to have a good work ethic. Meanwhile, Jamie’s right hand had crept under the table and sat gently on her thigh, a comforting presence in an unanticipated topic of conversation.

Unexpected emotion welled and she felt tears burn the back of her eyes as she blinked them back. She may have been doing well with her job on the surface, but work was definitely not bringing her joy at the moment. And life wasn’t necessarily flowing along in the direction they’d been thinking it would either.

“Claire,” her husband’s voice came softly. “I’ll always be proud of you. No matter what you do, no matter where life takes us.”

She swallowed hard, smiling at Jamie, then turned back to the rest of her family. “So, I believe you promised me a full story,” she reminded Suzette.

“Ah yes!” The grin that crossed the French woman’s face was contagious and she began the tale to a table full of smiling faces.


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A meeting with Shannon, the principal, and an abrupt phone call from Robbie leave Claire dealing with more than she'd planned on for her school day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for the comments! I read them all and enjoy hearing from you, I just never seem to find the time to be here unless I am actually posting (Has anyone else been working longer hours since the stay-at-home orders were given?!)

“And then you hover over the logo in the corner of the board,” her hand waved over the glowing light in the corner of the ActivBoard as she continued to talk. “And it will beep, and then you can follow the on-screen directions to calibrate the board and realign your pen. Well, your pen or whatever you use since yours has a touch screen.” She shrugged as she gave the last bit of information to the substitute,  _ also  _ named Mary, who was filling in next door for “regular” Mary who was home with a sick baby.

“Thanks, Claire! That’s so simple but I never knew that. And I use the board a lot,” the woman replied.

“Mary, the other one, doesn’t really use it all that much. Plus, the screen is adjustable so it gets misaligned really easily. Anyway, if you have any hitches along the way today just pop your head through the doorway and I’ll see what I can do to lend a hand.”

“Thanks again. She usually completely preps stuff so I have what I need and the plans are easy to follow. Not everybody does that,” the sub said, pausing. “Then again, I guess a lot of us substitutes don’t follow the plans even if we have them!”

“Well, I’ll be here. For now I’m going to the staff lounge though. Do you need anything over in that building while I’m there?”

“I’ve got what I need. Thanks again, Claire.”

Grabbing her insulated lunch sack from her desk, Claire began her walk from building to building. There was a slight drizzle coming down from the grey sky, but the covered walkway between the quads kept her dry.

“Good morning, Mrs. Graham!” she waved a hand in the direction of the secretary at the front desk.

“Oh, Claire!” the woman nearly jumped out of her swivel chair and it spun slowly behind her. “I’ve got a message here for you. Your Robbie called for you just a moment ago. Seems he forgot a permission slip that is due today and wants to know if you can do anything about it. Also, Shannon wants to see you about your contract for next year.”

“Um,” Claire paused, flustered by the two pieces of news vying for her attention. “I’ll call Rob and his teacher. I have her number,” she looked around as if it would appear in front of her by some magic. “Somewhere,” she finished. “I have it somewhere. But what about Shannon? She’s meeting with teachers about contracts already? The district is growing so everyone will still have a position next year, right?”

“Well,” the secretary leaned closer and spoke in a conspiratorial tone. “They’re moving a lot of you specialists and interventionists to Smith Elementary instead. That will be the home base. Speech and Occupational Therapists will all be there next year and most of the ELL program too.”

Claire tried not to gape. She was probably failing, but she tried.

“Now, that  _ may  _ not be the case for you…” trailed Mrs. Graham in a way that indicated it probably  _ was  _ the case, actually. “But you should shoot Shannon an email or something to schedule a time anyway.”

“Ok, thanks. I will. Call Rob and email Shannon, that is. Um, thanks again Mrs. Graham.”

She turned to go back to her classroom, realized she was still holding her lunch that she intended to put in the staff lounge frig, and made a one-eighty  _ again _ to finish the task.

She’d put away her lunch, call Rob and possibly his school, and email Shannon before class started. Then she’d try to be calm and teach while the nervous feelings kept overwhelming her. Just a normal day.

Claire mentally checked off the items in a fog, frustrated at herself over allowing her nervousness to grow before even knowing what was happening.

“So, um, Claire?” Robbie asked hesitantly once she finally got in touch. “I forgot the permission slip for 6th grade camp.”

“The permission slip that was on the counter that I asked you to put in your backpack last night?” she asked, eyebrows raised though he couldn’t see her over the phone. “ _ That  _ permission slip?” 

_ At least this wasn’t something awfully wrong. _

“Uh, yeah. So, I didn’t actually put it in my backpack.” He paused. “Um, when you asked me to.”

“Right.” She breathed slowly through her nose as she clenched her teeth. “So what’s a way to solve this problem, Rob? How can we handle this?”

“I asked Mrs. Metz if she could scan a copy or just attach a file to an email to you or Jamie and she said she would do that for me.” 

An audible sigh of relief could be heard from Rob and Claire wanted to laugh in spite of herself. She felt her shoulders relax a bit and she leaned into her chair.

“And I should sign it and scan it and send it back?” 

“Will you? Please, Claire? I know what I should have done. I just didn’t do it. It was a stupid choice.” There was a note of pleading in his voice

“I’ll sign it. Let’s work on this, Rob. Ok? So it doesn’t happen again?”

“Yes! Thank you! You’re the best! Also,” he paused. “I have homework due tomorrow that I am stuck on and don’t understand and I should have asked you about it this weekend and I’m sorry,” he rushed through the words as if he could hide them. “But can you help me?”

“Rob,” she groaned. “I’ll help you, but we’ve  _ seriously  _ got to get this under control, ok?” She tried to infuse some enthusiasm and determination in her voice. She knew he was embarrassed that he’d procrastinated, but it still needed to  _ not  _ happen again.

“Got it. I’ll see you later.  _ With  _ my homework.”

_ One problem tackled. One potential snag left to go. _

* * *

“I’m sure you’ve heard that the district is restructuring,” the conversation began.

She felt as if the floor had dropped out from under her. It was just a job. The school was just a school. Her friends on staff were just…

Her life was seemingly divided into two: life before Jamie, and their life after.

Before Jamie, her job was all she had to keep herself and her child afloat. There was no wiggle room, no time to experiment with one career and then go find a different one if she got tired of how things went. She was on her own supporting a child, carving out a life for them. People looked in on her life from the outside as if it had been sink or swim when the only available option ever was to swim.

She had fallen in love with her job and the children she served. They were the hardest workers in the school and still experienced the least of what most onlookers deemed as “success.” They were fighters and she was drawn to them. Her colleagues were the only confidantes in her life and they quickly became friends. Some felt like family. And this school, Anderson Pemberton Elementary was her home.

Her friends would still be her friends. The school was just a school. Her job was just a job.

But changing  _ where  _ it was would change  _ so much more. _

“I heard about that change and wondered what it might look like for me,” she heard herself say to Shannon.

“Well, you’ll be offered a position at Smith for the next school year. Everyone realizes what an asset to the program you are and they definitely want you on the team.” The principal beamed as if she was offering Claire some sort of prize for good behavior instead of moving her away from what where she felt at home.

“Thanks, Shannon, for telling me now, personally.”

“Of course! Do you have any questions about the changes? I might not have all the answers, but I may be able to provide at least  _ some _ details.”

“Um, are you able to tell me any of the OTs or PTs that will be working there? How big the team will be? And maybe how many kids we’ll be serving?” she rambled. “Will the kids who need our services all be sent to Smith then or will we be based there but rotate to other schools on certain days of the week?”

“Sure, basically the team is the same as it is at Smith already with a few additions. You, for one. Ben from Desilet Middle School will move over there. Um, I think Grace from Desilet is coming too. And a few others will come along too, I’m sure. We’re not a big district though. It makes sense to put everyone together.”

_ Except that it really doesn’t.  _ She nodded as if she was blissfully following along.

“Transfering kids there, those decisions will be based on what percentage of the day the children are mainstreamed. They have algorithms, you know. How many kids, how much time, all of that. We won’t know for sure until most of the testing for next year is done, but yes, I do suspect that some of you will be ‘shared’ among a couple of schools, part-time.”

“Ok. That’s good to know. Thanks again for telling me, Shanon. Is there anything else while I’m here?” She rose, rubbing her sweaty palms against her thighs in one of her trademark nervous habits.

“That’s all. I just wanted to let you know now so you could begin to wrap your mind around the change. I know it’s a big one, but we really value you, Claire, and want to make sure this transition is as seamless as possible.”

The words rolled off Shannon’s tongue as if she’d already spoken the exact same script to a few staff members. What was meant to be reassuring absolutely wasn’t.

“All right. Thanks again!” Claire left the office and walked toward her classroom, determined to tamp down her emotions and evaluate the changes ahead of her.

And who best to help her solve things and talk them out than her husband?


End file.
